Category: Features

Sexy Tusiime Daphine is back!

She is back with a bang to our pages and we welcome her with a bang!

I appreciate the honest sextastic that is my Kampala common law babe Daphine Tusiime. There’s no pretending that her enormous funbags aren’t the keystone to the entire alluring female form. No pretend that those jugs of happiness aren’t the best foot forward for this exceptionally noteworthy socialite and social media starlet.

Daphine can’t just hit the town in any old smock and flowing skirt. No, this and all occasions call for a low cut skin tight dress. Anything less would be far too informal.

Also, a crime, if I were the Police. I mean, officially versus the fake badge I carry that says “funbag inspector”. It’s not a job for every man though every man wants the job. Every girl needs a tight little revealing cleavage spilling dress. Daphine Tusiime has twenty of them. That’s why she’s awesome. Enjoy.

June 25, 2016
‘We need to act on our roads otherwise we are doomed’ – Frank Gashumba

Civil and Economic activist, entrepreneur and Motivational speaker, Frank Gashumba has said the only Ugandans can stop road carnage is having well developed road system with vehicles, motorcycles and pedestrians lanes. Mr Gashumba voiced his concern on his social media in the wake of yesterday’s tragic accident that killed Doreen Tashobya, the daughter to the newly Entebbe Municipality MP Rosemary Tumusiime.

RIP; Doreen

Below is Frank Gashumba’s statement;

“Why do Africans believe in Heaven with no scientific evidence that it really exists. Every time you have a debate on Heaven, some will say because such a book says so.

A young girl graduates early this year Doreen, very innocent, very pretty. Instead of us asking ourselves what can we do as a country to stop this madness on our narrow roads.

In Uganda there are no lanes for motor cycle riders, pedestrians, and emergency vehicles. Instead of challenging ourselves to have a functioning country when such death occurs. What we are going to post first on our Facebook line is, (RIP) ” I know Doreen is in a better place now” and another person will post “Doreen you have fought a good fight and you have won”

Was Doreen battling Cancer?????

Which battle has Doreen fought apart from these reckless drivers and unlicensed motor cyclists killing such innocent young lady??????

As a Parent and a sign of respect for a dead person, I can’t post those terrifying pictures of her laying on the ground.

Why do people believe in Heaven they have never been and not fix the world where they live today?

Every time I think about accidents, they get me mad and terribly mad and by the way it happens every day Second on our roads.

No parent can ever expect his child to be taken away by these reckless drivers or motor cycle riders.

By the way don’t blame these drivers and boda boda riders. The entire blame goes to the Traffic Police.

If the Police wanted order on the roads of Uganda they can do it unfortunately they are spending their entire professional career on fighting the Dr.Besigye.

If you want to know what I was talking about. Go to Rwanda and see how motorists respect the law. No one can ride a motor bike in without a Helmet, both the rider and the passenger. Pregnant mothers are not allowed to sit on motorcycle in Rwanda. If laws can be implemented in other countries that means they can be implemented in Uganda too.

Frank Gashumba

It’s in Uganda where a young boy sells his land at 11am and at 2pm he buys a motor bike the following morning the same person will be seen riding about 4 kids to school and when such kids are crashed in an accident. Ugandans will shift the blame on boda bodas and another group will say it was God’s plan. To me it’s totally false. Yes accidents happen all of the world but there are accident we can prevent.

Finally all of us must demand that Police enforces all traffic laws otherwise this business of ‘Rest in Peace” doesn’t work for me”.

June 22, 2016
Patrick Idringi Salvado, Anne Kansiime named among top 10 African Comedians

Uganda’s top comedians Patrick Idringi Salvado and Anne Kansiime have ranked the best comedians in the continent. They are in top 10 on the list of 14 top African comedians by www.africa.com. Here is the article;

If laughter is the best medicine, then Africa is surely the pharmacy. Over the last decade, African comedy has showed immense growth and gained popularity, producing some of the best comedians the world has ever seen. Comedians have creatively turned normal every day happenings into artistic expressions, thereby inspiring the continent and the world at large.

Here’s our take on some of the top African comedians.

Trevor Noah

Africa’s most famous comedian, Trevor Noah is well known for his unapologetic approach to race, apartheid and politics. Born to a Swiss father and a Xhosa mother, Trevor’s struggle to identify to a one specific stereotype makes him a genius when it comes to comedy as he both relates to his audience at the same time, sharing a unique perspective to everyday issues.

Trevor was the first South African comedian to sell out a one-man show and has continued to break records ever since. In 2015, Trevor took over as host of ABC’s “the daily show” from Jon Stewart, becoming Africa’s biggest comedy export of all time.

Bright Okpocha Aka Basket Mouth

Born and raised in Abia State, Nigeria, Basket mouth (real name Bright Okpocha) is a comedian whose resume one cannot simply ignore. The first African to ever host a show at the Apollo in London, Basket mouth has continued to set trends performing at events like Lord of the Ribs, Comedy Central Presents and the Basket mouth live at the 02 arena in London.

Anne Kansiime

Referred to by many as the “Queen of Africa Comedy”, Anne Kansiime is a Ugandan comedienne, entertainer and actress. She first broke into the scene with the YouTube Series, Minibuzz, in which she made fun of Ugandans’ experience in daily public transport.

Her stand-up shows have sold out arenas and auditoriums in major cities including London, Kuala Lumpur, Lilongwe, Gaborone and Harare. With more than 15 million views online and a YouTube silver play button (an award for YouTubers who hit 100,000 subscribers), Anne continues to entertain people across the continent through her online videos and stand up shows.

Eddie Kadi

Born in the Democratic Republic of Congo and raised in the UK, Eddie Kadi’s blend of English wit and African humour has made him one of the most successful black comedians in the UK. With milestones like appearances on the BBC’s Comedy Empire, as well as leading roles in movies like Anuvahood, Shank and Gone Too Far, Eddie Kadi’s ability to entertain and be funny across multiple mediums makes him one of the most outstanding comics to ever come out the continent. Apart from comedy acts, Eddie is also a well known radio presenter, MC, and philanthropist.

Loyiso Gola

Satirical, genuine and critical are some of the few words one can use to describe Loyiso’s comedy. Usually taking jabs at politicians, the stand up comedian is also the founder of South African satirical news show, Late Night News (LNN) , which got an Emmy award nomination for best comedy series in 2014. Gola is also well known for his one-man show, Loyiso Gola for president, which happened adjacent to South African elections in 2007/8.

Ronnie Khalil

Egyptian-American Shaher Ronnie Khalil is a comedian who has toured the United States, headlined in four continents and whose comedy has been enjoyed by millions around the world. With features on ABC News, CNN, Al Jazeera and the Conan O’Brien show, Khalil’s “Politically incorrect” storytelling skills places have earned him a reputation as one of Africa’s biggest export to the comedy world. Khalil currently lectures around different colleges in the United States on topics such as success and motivation.

Celeste Ntuli

Known as the Queen of Zulu comedy, Celeste Ntuli will always be remembered by south Africans for her outstanding performance in the 2009 SABC 1 competition “so you think you’re funny”. After getting exposure from that show, the former bookseller has since worked with big names in comedy like Loyiso Gola and Kagiso Lediga, making appearances in shows like the Emmy Award nominated Late Night News, The Bantu Hour and Laugh out Loud. Celeste also recently entertained South Africans when she appeared as part of the sequel to the all women comedy show “Bitches Be Back”, which she performed with other comedians like Anele Mdoda, Tumi Morake, and Noko Moswete. Celeste, who also dabbles as an actress, remains one of the strongest and funniest comedians in South Africa with her topics ranging from issues like weight loss and singleness to gender and feminism.

Patrick Idringi Aka Salvado

Natural, blunt and purely hilarious is Uganda’s Patrick Idringi, or as he is known on stage, Salvador. Salvado hails from “ombokolo”, a couple of kilometers outside Uganda’s capital, Kampala, a place he continually loves to make fun of in his sets.

A trained telecommunications professional engineer, Salvado left his career after winning a comedy competition and now bears the title of “Uganda’s funniest face”. His attention to ridiculous details when narrating stories has brought him a huge fan base all across Africa, even attracting international media such as vogue, CNN among many others.

Helen Paul

Known to many as Tatafo, Helen Paul is a Nigerian stand up comedianne whose Quirkiness, spontaneity and voice manipulation skills compare to no other. Helen, who is a graduate of the University of Lagos, broke into the comedy scene as as a Mischievous comic character on a radio program known as “Wetin Dey” on Lagos’ Radio Continental where she played “Tatafo” – a witty kid who addressed Lagos’ major problems in a childlike and satirical manner. Helen now runs the Helen Paul Academy where she trains student creative art and how it affects people’s daily lives.

Carl Joshua Nqube

Carl Joshua Nqube is a Zimbabwean stand-up comedian who broke into the comedy world with his one-man show, the big announcement. However, his biggest break was when he joined well-known South African comedy club, Parker’s club. He has performed all across the world from Johannesburg to Adelaide, Abuja to Nairobi alongside names such as Basket mouth, Kagiso Ladeba among many more. He currently hosts his own TV show called “Late Night With Carl.”

Tumi Morake

South African Comedienne Tumi Morake is definitely one of the funniest names on the continent. Her experience as a puppeteer, actress and facilitator has helped her to have an imaginable control over multiple audiences. The comedienne, who started comedy in 2005, has performed with names like David Kau, Chris Forrest among many others at big festivals such as Heavyweights Comedy. Her most recent show, Bitches Be Back, where she performed with other female South African comedians has become one of the most memorable comedy shows in South African entertainment History.

Daliso Chaponda

Daliso Chaponda is a UK based Malawian comedian well known for his versatility and “quite on the edge” jokes. A good example of how versatile of a performer Daliso can be is how he performed a “filthy set in silhouettes strip clubs in Birmingham and about two days later did a family show at the 2007 greenbelt Christian festival. Daliso has performed all across the world in cities like Cape Town, London and has made appearances on the BBC’s “The world stands up”. He annually hosts a show in his hometown of Lilongwe called “laughrica” where he invites different local and international comedians for a one-night comedy event.

Eric Omondi

One of the most common faces on Kenyan Television, Eric Omondi is a comedian and an activist who does not like to be called an entertainer. “ I am a doctor, I treat illnesses like stress”, once said the hilarious Omondi in an interview with a local newspaper. The comedian, who started out as a noise maker in class, made his breakthrough when he appeared on Kenya’s well known TV show, The Churchill show. It was there that Eric became a household name and a comedy power force in the region, even performing at big events such as the African Kings of Comedy Festival in Nigeria.

Kagiso Lediga

One of South Africa’s black comedy trailblazers, Kagiso Lediga is an icon when it comes to African comedy. A natural storyteller who usually narrates about what it was like growing up in the townships during the apartheid era, Kagiso has performed in comedy clubs from New York to Toronto and in different countries like Jamaica, Botswana, Swaziland and Nigeria. Kagiso, who has also performed at the prestigious Edinburgh Comedy Festival, currently host a weekly TV show called the bantu hour, which he co-host with legendary Jazz musician Hugh Masekela.

June 10, 2016
5 things you should NEVER do before sex

Metro.co.uk

Sex. It’s meant to be passionate, spontaneous, and (hopefully) mind-boggling. So the last thing you may want to be doing is running through a checklist of things you should or shouldn’t do before getting down.

But they’re pretty important, not just for your health but for the actual sex you’re about to have if you want it to be as pleasurable as possible.

You may do all the right things to look after your genitals, but what about when preparing to get hot and heavy?

Here are five things you should never do before sex.

1) Pee

This one’s for the girls who know the crippling pain of urinary tract infections. You probably know you should urinate after sex to prevent them – that way most of the bacteria that causes the infection is flushed out.

But you shouldn’t under any circumstance be peeing before.

New York urologist David Kaufman has actually said it’s the ‘No.1 cause’ of UTIs, as it means you’re less likely to need to pee after sex. So you might not be flushing out all that bad bacteria

2) Take an antihistamine

Hayfever sufferers aren’t going to like this news.

While they help to alleviate your sniffles and watery eyes, the medicine also mucks with your genitals.

It works by drying out mucus membranes to stop your runny nose, it also drys out other areas.

Like your mouth and, we’re afraid, your vagina. As we know, a dry vagina does not lead to happy, pleasurable sex. And, it’s been argued, the use of antihistamines can affect your libido negatively.

We guess, on the other hand, this point would depend on your priorities.

If you simply can’t survive the summer without antihistamine, you should probably just be aware of the side effects. And stock up on some lube.

3) Drink too much

Sex and booze seem to so often go hand in hand, from casual drink dates to messy night outs where you end up in some randomner’s bed.

While alcohol lowers our inhibitions and makes us more likely to decide to have sex, it’s a big killer of your mojo. Women might find natural lubrication a bit of problem, while guys could find themselves struggling with whisky dick just when they need their penis to perform.

Maybe best to lay off that next bottle.

4) Buy the wrong size condom

Come on guys – are you really an XL?

Condoms that are too large for you have the risk of slipping off, so it’s really important to make sure it fits just right. The average XL condom is said to be 2.25 inches (5.7cm) in nominal width, and 8.1 inches (20.6cm) in length.

With the average penis size at 5.1 inches when erect, it’s likely you will need a smaller size.

Small condoms are 1.75 inches (4.4cm) in width and 6.3 inches (16cm) in length. Regular condoms are an average of 2.0 inches (5.1cm) wide and 7.9 inches (20.1cm) long, large is 2.12 inches wide and 7.9 inches (20.1cm) long.

5) Shave just before

We know you want that silky just-got-out-the-shower feeling.

But many physicians say that shaving just before, particularly if you prefer to have smooth genitals, can put you at risk of STIs and other infections because of the likelihood of tiny scratches and wounds.

Emily Gibson MD explains the risk in a blog post.

‘Some clinicians are finding that freshly shaved pubic areas and genitals are also more vulnerable to herpes infections due to the microscopic wounds being exposed to virus carried by mouth or genitals,’ she says. ‘It follows that there may be vulnerability to spread of other STIs as well.’

So best to leave some time between shaving and getting it on. Or not shaving at all.

May 13, 2016
What you need to know about Tecno’s latest posh phone ‘Tecno Boom J8’

Tecno Mobile’s latest smartphone Tecno Boom J8 is a must have phone for classy people especially music lovers. Today we bring what you need to know about the lovely gadget.

BOOM J8 is the music flagship device of TECNO with excellent music performance. The Boom Player can provide abundant music resource to you, and the Boom Headphone brings you a comfortable and perfect enjoyment of music. BOOM J8 shows perfect sound quality with BOOM MAX, even the mage bass is also perfect!

The feature of Boom headphone is the advanced mega bass experience with the professional sound cavity and a clear acoustic design. And there is more! The headphone covers have leather texture which makes you look fashionable. The tender leather ear cushions stay comfortable no matter how long your playlist is. Go ahead, lose yourself in music and dance along with the beats!

Boom J8 is a stylish music phone with 7.35mm ultra slim appearance. The little smart device is beyond your imagination for its slim body and the stylish design. Come on, dance with the beats and show the stylish yourself!

BOOM J8 owns deep bass and full range sound for a superior audio experience. The exquisite speakers and the headphone with BOOM MAXX, all of them combine together, to give you an excellent experience of mega bass. The superior audio experience is available for both listening and phone call. There’s more, full range frequency response for rich bass which makes you feel the perfect mega bass. Let’s dance with the rhythms!

Boom J8 is available at all Tecno and phone outlets in Ugandan at only Shs 499,000.

May 4, 2016
The seven year itch is a myth! This is how long it REALLY takes a woman to cheat on her husband

The Sun

Everyone is wary of the seven year itch and its potential to ruin a marriage. But according to new research, you may need to start worrying much sooner – as women who are unfaithful first cheat on their husband just three years and three months after their wedding day.

The study, conducted by IllicitEncounters.com, Britain’s biggest dating website for married people, also found that women have their first lapse five months faster than men – who commit adultery three years and eight months on average after tying the knot.

In fact, while adultery occurs in 45 per cent of marriages, 57 per cent of cases are initiated by women.

And if a woman’s mother is a cheater, it’s more likely that she will be, too – as 73 per cent of adulteresses’ mothers have strayed from their partner as well. The research suggests this is because women feel their mother’s infidelity gives them “permission” to cheat – and they take their vow less seriously as a result.

And the same trend applies to men – although not to the same extent, as only 54 per cent of the men surveyed said cheating ran in the male half of the family.

The results suggest there could even be a cheating gene, which makes the children of cheaters more likely to betray their own partners.

Meanwhile, the reasons for cheating differ between the genders, with women citing emotional problems as the main factor – including reconnecting with an old flame on social media. On the other hand, men say they are spurred on by peer group pressure and they can’t resist opportunities for sex.

However, both genders named being drunk as another potential reason for cheating.

IllicitEncounters.com spokesman Christian Grant explained: “The Seven Year Itch is a myth, particularly if you are the offspring of unfaithful parents.

“If you want to know if your wife will cheat, you may want to take a close look at your mother-in-law.

“Cheating does run in the family, particularly on the female side. Women idolise their mother as they grow up and follow their good and bad behaviour.

“If their parents divorce or their mother confides in them about previous affairs, women are far more likely to do the same when they marry themselves.”

April 27, 2016
President of Austrian Development Agency Visits SOS

A team from Austrian Development Agency (ADA) on Monday, April 18, 2016 visited SOS Children’s Villages Entebbe to tour the facilities at the location and re-commit their pledge to donate 730,000 Euros (Ugx 2,774,000,000) over the next three years (January 2016 to December 2018). ADA President, Dr. Martin Ledolter, who led the team, was accompanied by ADA Resident Representative, Mr. Englits Gunter.

ADA has been a steady partner of SOS Children’s Villages Uganda for the last 12 years. This partnership has benefited over 4,300 vulnerable children and their families in the communities of Gulu, Entebbe, Kakiri and more recently, Fort Portal in the South Western part of the country.

SOS Children’s Villages Uganda, a non-governmental organisation whose mission is to provide a loving home to every child, has been at the rescue of vulnerable children and families for the last 25 years.

While on his tour of the SOS Entebbe location, Dr. Ledolter mentioned that ADA was proud of the achievements SOS had made with ADA support. He said “We look forward to continued collaboration with SOS Children’s Villages Uganda through our project ‘Institutional Capacity Development for Quality Child Care and Protection.’ We hope to achieve effective management and sustainability of gender sensitive child care and protection programmes to support 2,000 more vulnerable children in Wakiso and Kabarole districts in Uganda.”

Among the facilities he toured were the SOS Entebbe Medical Centre and the SOS Entebbe Kindergarten, both of which serve not only the SOS children and staff; but also the communities.

According to a UNICEF report, despite initiatives and efforts to tremendously fight HIV in Uganda, the number of children orphaned as a result of losing one or both parents to the HIV/AIDS pandemic remains worryingly high at close to 1.7 million. Uganda currently has over 10,000 street children, who live in very poor conditions and do not have access to basic family care, health and education.

April 21, 2016
‘Shorts Na Lesu’ the new event in town rocks Kampala partiers at Kololo Gardens

Moyo Close off Prince Charles Drive Kololo based hangout Kololo Gardens is of late becoming a venue to happen from. Last Saturday a new event‘Shorts Na Lesu’, first of its kind took place at the above place and may soon take over the now famous Blankets and Wine.

Hot girls at the event

A host of partiers mainly the youth and middle aged were seen dressed in Shorts and Lesus (scarf) as they parted last Saturday.

The event was totally fun

The party started at 3pm with few people but by 4pm, the venue was already full with hot girls coming in with their guys donning lesus and shorts. Shorts Na Lesu is a new kind of parting where revelers come to party putting in Lesus and shorts.

DJ Andy Skillz at event on Saturday at Kololo Gardens

The entertainment on the day was provided by the Band and DJ Andy Skillz. The event was climaxed by Andy Skillz who entertained revelers with his skills making them scream out till midnight.

The event attracted campusers, corporate and vacists

Matovu Phillip, a S.6 Vacist of The mighty Kings College Budo made this happen. “The turn up was great”. Matovu plans to make it a regular event at the same place.

Shorts na Lesu is the new form of partying in Kampala

March 16, 2016
Ninja warrior experience at Extreme Adventure Park Busika this Easter

Easter holiday is around the corner and to make it fun and memorable, Extreme Adventure Park Busika is organizing a series of events to this Easter.

Latest info reaching our desk has it that a Ninja warrior experience that you have always seen on television is going to take place at this lovely live on Easter Sunday 27th March 2016.

Extreme Adventure Park Busika has a fun filled Easter

“There will be lots of Bikes, rope course, paint ball, motocross championship, music, dance Nyama choma (BBQ). Come and enjoy the first Ninja Warrior experience in Uganda at Motorsport Arena Busika, and lots of Sun this Easter at Extreme Adventure Park,”.

One of the games experienced at the place

What you should know about Extreme Adventure Park Busika?

At first glance, the set up looks like the stuff only circus performers and the people from the Ninja Warrior TV show would dare to climb. But then the General Manager of the adventure park, Mark Mukisa Raczynski starts to name the type of people who visit the park and they include corporate team building groups, Ugandan cultural royalty, ambassadors and top politicians.

The Extreme Adventure Park as it is properly called is in fact a rope course, one of the few rope courses in Africa outside South Africa. The rope course and zip line are designed both as a mind and body challenge.

What this means in real terms is that if you sign up for the adventure, which costs Shs60, 000 per person, you will be walking the tight rope with only a few pieces of wood which are thinner than your feet to support you.

DStv end of year party at the park

In some cases, it is just your feet balancing on the cable and stamina is what will keep you from falling off and hanging rather unceremoniously in mid-air by the cords of your safety harness. Yes, I hear the collective sigh of relief at the mention of a safety harness. As an adventure company, safety of their customers is something the extreme adventure does not take lightly.

The safety guides—young Ugandan men—all have at least 140 hours of top notch international safety training some of it done in South Africa. Before you are permitted to go rope walking, you are given a safety kit that includes a helmet, a safety harness strapped around your stomach and hips and a set of instructions which should keep you out of harm’s way. “We are going for 100 per cent safety record because with just one accident, you could go out of business,” says Raczynski Mukisa, the naturalized adventure park manager.

The rope course is made up of three levels and the starting course is the ninja level. Once one has complicated the ninja course which ends with the rope climber zipping down 135 metres of copper cable to the finish line, there is the commando level and finally the extreme level reserved for the brave hearts.

Having tried out a number of adventure sports including but not limited to white water rafting, I was happy to sit out this particular rope course adventure and hand over the reins to the young generation represented by my seven year old daughter and six year old nephew.

The rope course the youngsters were given is the ninja level; the same starting level for adults. The children were given the same set of instructions given to adults attempting that level but given their small size, the children probably had an advantage over many pot-bellied adults when it came to balancing on the ropes.

The children did not once fall off and while the seven year old went all the way via the zip line to the finish, the six year old opted not to take the free fall zip ride because it probably looked too long and scary at 135 metres.

Contrary to what the name might suggest, the Extreme Adventure Park is more than just a place to go for fun and thrills. While we watched the children walking the tightrope, Mukisa regaled us with stories of how corporate teams and departments bonded on the rope course and they came away swearing that after handling the challenges of the rope course they felt they could do anything.

Climbing and walking the rope course is an exercise designed to sharpen your problem solving skills. When you are hanging up there wondering where to put your foot, you improve your ability to focus on the task at hand and how to reach within yourself for motivation to get to the finish line. Now that my seven year old daughter has completed the ninja level, I feel like I have no choice but to rise up to the challenge.

March 15, 2016
When hard words make you miss simple things

By Pablo Kimuli

I recently met my high school friend who liked using complex English words that required you to refer to a dictionary every time you were having a conversation with him.

I thought it was adolescence disturbing him at the time but our conversation proved me wrong. We hugged each other and he said, “Etymologically speaking, I’m nonplussed to talk to you. I see you live a catchet and panache life. I like your intralexiconic skills my brother.” I immediately confessed that I didn’t understand what he was saying. He laughed and said, “Don’t be bumfuzzled. I’m still your boy Jerome Butambala aka Englishman.”

Pablo Kimuli is one of Uganda’s best comedians

I expressed my pleasure for having met him after ages and he replied: “It’s doozy meeting you too. I was only worried that you would absquatulate me. Most people are discombobulated when I meet them and often batrachomyomachy the situation.” I had no clue what he was talking about but just to keep the conversation going I responded: “Yeah, so true.”

I asked him what he was up to lately and he replied; “I was hired by a panjandrum slangwhanger who wanted me to do skulduggery work but the knight in me couldn’t allow.” I asked him what a panjandrum slangwhanger was and he said: “He is a bloviate nincompoop who wants his work done in a Lickety-split which I found rigmarole.” [adrotate banner=”3″] I still didn’t understand his vibe; so, to save myself from developing uncalled for headache, I thanked and begged to leave since I was running late for an appointment.

His tone changed drastically from excitement to urgency. “Please forgive my incongruous request not to bamboozle you but seek your indulgence as my high school goombah, my account is namby-pamby which has left me in a financial hoosegow.” I didn’t actually understand his request.

I was in the process of asking him to simplify his vocabulary when my other friend walked up to us and said: “It’s good I met you here. Please help me with 100,000 shillings. I’ll refund when I get it.” It was the last money I had on me but since he had always been a trusted friend, I had no problem lending it to him. He thanked me and cheekily said: “Now I can greet you – ‘how are you?’” and laughed heading in the opposite direction. I also laughed knowing my friend’s playful character.

My Englishman seemed excited too and said: “Actually I’m also glad I met you here. I wanted you to bail me out with a 100,000 shillings.” I told him that the money I had given my other friend was the last I had. My Englishman became bitter instantly and claimed he was the first to ask for it. “That’s what I meant when I said my account is namby-pamby. It’s weak with no backbone. I’m now in a financial prison. That’s what I meant by financial hoosegow.”

I told him to learn to use simple words in times of need because sometimes even the finest translators come up against words that defy translation.

September 1, 2015