NRM = Never Remove Museveni?

By Pablo

I walked into a restaurant to have my lunch after a long day of work when a group of young excited men requested me to join them.

I was a little hesitant until they offered to meet my lunch bill. One of them immediately asked me what I thought about the NRM (National Resistance Movement) party in the wake of the Mzee Museveni and Mbabazi fallout.

Pablo Kimuli

Pablo Kimuli

I informed him that I was too hungry to respond to such serious questions that could easily burn out the little energy I had left. I also threw it back at him and he responded: “We in the true NRM believe that it’s an acronym for ‘Never Remove Museveni.’”

Some of the youths clapped, while others jeered. One of them shot up and said: “We are in the era of digital migration from analogue. Therefore, NRM is an acronym for ‘Now Remove Mzee.’”

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A melee almost ensued between the pro-Museveni supporters and the Mbabazi loyalists but the situation was calmed by a skimpily-dressed lady who walked into the restaurant. She didn’t leave any room for imagination. A member of the Mbabazi clique pointed at her and whispered, “That is exactly what we are talking about. Everything about her is transparent.”President Yoweri MuseveniPresident Yoweri Museveni

The leader of the pro-Museveni clique responded, “That is why your presidential aspirations won’t last. You judge everything by the look of things.”

Another Mbabazi supporter shot back, “The problem with you is that you are myopic. We can’t keep seeing on your behalf.”

The pro-Museveni leader got up from his chair with intentions of engaging her but his friends told him not to rush. The Mbabazi clique laughed loudly, attracting everyone’s attention.

The lady didn’t make it any better by sitting cross-legged opposite us exposing a generous amount of flesh that held our interest. The pro-Museveni group equated Mbabazi’s eight-point programme to the lady’s flesh – enticing but misleading.

A Mbabazi supporter then asked him: “Why are your eyes locked to that area if you are not interested? Why aren’t you looking at her eyebrows or elbows?”

The waiter brought my order but there was no space to place it because the fellas had their elbows on the table with their chins in their palms. I cleared my voice and told them that I actually knew the lady and her history. They all sat up straight, creating room for my food on the table.Amama Mbabazi will contest for 2016 presidential electionsAmama Mbabazi will contest for 2016 presidential elections

The quietest pro-Museveni supporter asked if I could connect him to her. I put it politely and straight to him that she was a girl from the high-end class who only dealt with high spenders.

You could hear a pin drop when I took them through a list of the people who had dated her and lost it along the way because of her immense water bills, electricity bills, her obsession with Bill Gates and Bill Clinton. Everything about her had a bill about it.

By the time I was through with my story, my meal was done as well. I wiped my mouth and asked for the bill. We were all shocked when the waiter told us that the lady across had offered to cover our bills.

I walked up to her, thanked her and told her that the young men across were NRM which was an acronym for ‘Nothing Really Matters.’

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