“My 11 Year Old Courtship that didn’t amount to marriage” – Grace Linda
NOTE: This story is not necessarily about Grace Linda but it is meant to paint a picture of what no commitment looks like
By Grace Linda
Well you all know how it is, young and at University, he was the one for me. Nothing more, nothing less. Carried my bag and walked me to and from class to hostel and then back again…..oiled my hair sometimes and even kept me company the whole time I had to do the tiny twist. GOSH! Those things took the whole day……..??????????. And when it got to coursework……boy was doing my course work and his…..this Bachelor’s degree is his, transcript just came with my name on it??.
The dream was that…..final year, he would get a job, and right after graduation we would get married. Ooh I couldn’t wait for the proposal????, I even gave my unborn babies names, I knew the number of carats I wanted……Kampala Road Indian jewelers knew me by name.
Fast forward…….4 years after campus, with his prestigious job, and my corporate clothes… I mean….I was working too.
My Proposal & I…. never met??, if he wasn’t travelling for work, he was buying land for his mum, if he wasn’t setting up the farm, he’s international certificates couldn’t wait….the deadlines were real.
Oh am doing this for us babe, he would say…..
My mother, My siblings, all couldn’t wait to meet him, the cousins he met while at university were the last lot of in-laws he met unofficially……..in his low tone voice……he said….we have to do things right babe….I will meet your people officially……its only respectful. ??????. Silly me, I didn’t think anything of his distance from my family gatherings, until we only met at his, indoors if he suggested it and made plans for it or and by the way, I had to call before I dropped by.
The dinner, lunch, ice cream and movie dates were not our friends anymore, they had long left us, they had migrated elsewhere while I was busy being the considerate girlfriend. We need to cut back, and save babe…..oh how his words made sense, with every year we were making progress so I thought…..unknown to me, I wasn’t part of the process…..I was part of the blue print but now the house was remodeled.
Every time I left a few dresses at ‘our’ house…..I found them packed ready for me to take back…..he didn’t like clutter??????????. All in due time babe, All in due time????, as my gals had advised…..my plan to tactfully move in hit a dead end.
Everyone I knew got married, some had kids, did their 2nd masters, started their own companies, built houses, others lived happily….single and I didn’t get married, I hoped, prayed, waited, he was looking elsewhere……I was suddenly not good enough. I had grown, he wanted younger, fresh. Like Merchandise my shelf life to him had expired.
What am i saying??????????……..DON’T MISS THE SIGNS.
- Don’t be so hang up on what used to be that you fail to see a ship that has sailed.
- Marriage is a stage in life not what defines you, it’s not an achievement.
- Indecision is a decision. It goes like No, I don’t choose you….hope you can read between the lines.
- You can’t want it 4 the both of you, he has to want it too.
- Commitment is for a lifetime, think thrice about it if you must.
- When he is the right person for you, he will make his intentions timely.
- Commitment phobia is real.
- If it’s not going anywhere, let it go, see what stays.
- If you aren’t someone’s priority while dating, what will change after marriage.